Finding balance
Photo Credit: Gavin Fernandes @photaugraf
Rose Bloom is as beautiful as her name implies, inside and out. But despite her poetic moniker: “try carrying that name around in high school,” she jokes, Rose is very firmly rooted in reality. She has sometimes struggled to find the proper balance to soothe her naturally anxious soul. That’s why, 4 years ago, after her 40th birthday, she made a complete life change.
“I never imagined starting a second career in my 40’s,” Rose shares. “When I went into accounting I said, this is it. This is what I’m going to do for the rest of my life.”
She had a brilliant career; one many would aspire to. She worked in big firms, and big pharma before landing at Concordia University where she was named senior budget director. For years she was managing multi-million-dollar spending plans, while also managing 3 young children, a husband, a few pets, and a home.
“I questioned myself constantly,” Rose reveals. “Because, you know, you have those friends who are stay-at-home moms and then you wonder: am I making the right decision working?”
“But the reality is, it was not the working that was a problem,” she continues, ''it was not being able to find a balance between the work and the family. I started to feel like, who’s going to die on the operating table if we don’t get these numbers out? Why is it I'm working until three in the morning? Is this what I should be doing? But I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I studied so hard to get my CA, it was painful, so I wasn’t going to give up on all those years.”
As the questions piled up, so did her anxiety. “Crystal-balling” as she calls it; focusing way too much on the “what-ifs”. What if this happens? What if that happens? It was all too much, so Rose took a step back.
“I took what added up to about 8 months off and when I came back, I said, I can’t do this job anymore, and it's not because I didn’t like the job. It was very stimulating, I met a lot of interesting people, I got to work with senior executives, it was awesome, but there was a price to pay and I wasn’t willing to pay it anymore.”
She accepted a lesser role with the same team, but after a year she realized that, too, was not where she wanted to be.
“I literally got to the point where I was driving into work every day with this pit in my stomach like: I don't want to go, I don't want to do this,” Rose explains.
She just couldn’t take it anymore, so Rose took a massive leap of faith, and resigned from a job she had loved, because it was killing her.
“I had been trying for a while to make it all work and I couldn’t reconcile it anymore in my head. It was hard because I was resigning from a good job, really good pay, really good benefits, pension, medical you name it. So, I was going to give all that up and I didn’t know where I was going to go.”
But sometimes life has a way of leading us to our true calling, especially when we find the courage to take that first step. For a few years before she resigned, Rose had been putting in her name to teach at various institutions, with no bites. Then, as soon as she decided to leave, the universe opened up.
“I handed in my resignation and, no joke, a week later didn’t I get a call from Vanier College saying we’d like to call you in for an interview. I said to myself, oh my god really?!! Close a door and another one opens; they were not joking when they said that!”
“It was literally, it was just - wow! I know it sounds silly, but I think I had to make the decision to close that one door for the other to open. I literally had to have the discomfort and say: no, I’m done, and what will be will be, and then bam! The next door opened.”
Rose took a pay cut and admits her ego took a blow on that front, but just for a moment because something else had blossomed. “What I discovered is how much I love, love love the job,” Rose marvels. “I said to my husband, now I get it when people get up in the morning and say they can’t wait to get to work.”
Today, she still has tons of responsibility, with 130 students to manage, along with her family and her home, but now the weight of it all feels much lighter.
“I just really like it a lot, so, when I have to prepare, or I have to write an exam, or even when I have to mark, I like it. I like the constant learning, the mental stimulation. The students just give me so much energy; I just so enjoy them, they're fun, they’re funny. It’s just really fun helping someone else get to their end goal.”
And with balance, Rose has also been able to manage her “what-ifs”.
“Do you live every day with the worry of what if? Crystal balling everything?” Rose ponders, “Or do you say: I’m going to live today as best I can and make decisions that will make me as happy as I can be because that’s going to reflect on your kids, your spouse, your friends. It’s infectious when people feel good. That's what they’re projecting out to everyone else.”
Rose’s best advice for others looking to take a leap like hers is spoken like a true accountant. First, ask yourself if you can afford to leave your job, and if not, why not? Make the changes you need to make in your life, and be honest with yourself. Own it.
“There’s a balance,” Rose shares, “between worrying constantly about what could happen, and instead saying: ok, I’m going to put in place a structure that’s sustainable, and still provides me with what I need to feel happy, and sometimes go for a bike ride with my kids at 4 o’clock in the afternoon.”
Right now, Rose has found her way to that balance, and she’s also put away her crystal ball.